Steps to Happiness – Part 2

This is the second part in our series on Steps to Happiness. Click here to see the first article in the series, Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life, .

In our previous article we looked at how WE are responsible for handing out puppet strings to people, things and situations which leads to our unhappiness. Now we will look at some more ways to remove those strings and turn our lives around from unhappiness to happiness.

Does your pain go deeper?
One of my favorite people in the world, Ron Wilkins, wrote a book called Removing Emotional Pain that tells exactly what happens to us when we give out our strings (all though he doesn’t call it that). He tells how it causes depression and addictions of all forms and discusses ways to remove the pain in our lives. I’ll simply recommend this book and not rewrite it. If you desire, you can learn more about it at www.removingemotionalpain.com

As we noted in our first article, accepting responsibility for our unhappiness is the first step in removing unhappiness. Without this acceptance, there is absolutely no point in reading any more information on how to be happy because you simply will not bother to apply it. Acceptance is a hard pill to swallow, but it is the foundation of achieving happiness. The great thing is that when we do accept responsibility a world of opportunities comes our way and the floodgates of happiness swing wide open to bring a lifetime of smiles first to our minds and then to our faces.

The next step in achieving happiness is a desire to change - a desire to let go and grow. Wanting a better life is what we are talking about here. Simply accepting responsibility is not enough. Acceptance with no effort and action is still just acceptance. It is like accepting the fact that in order to catch a fish you have to throw your baited line out in the water to catch it, but without desire to catch a fish you will never throw your worm out. We’re not just talking about a little desire for a better life. We’re talking about a burning desire. We are talking about…..

The 3^rd step - Commitment. We are talking 100% - throw yourself in all the way - no matter what – commitment. We’re talking “NOTHING is going to stop me from having the happiness I am meant to have.” It’s not “Yeah, I’d like to have a better life, but…(and the excuses start pouring in).” It is commitment all the way – plain and simple. Yes, it’s much easier not to take responsibility and not make any effort, but as the saying goes the result is “you will always get what you’ve always got” – a life of unhappiness – and THAT is NOT easy. On the flip side…..You make the commitment and put in the effort and the result is a beautiful wonderful life filled with happiness. The choice is completely yours.

What if I want to have the desire, but don't feel it?
I learned a long time ago that desire has to come from within. No one can give it to you. However, I will paint a picture for you that may stir up that desire. Imagine what it would be like to have all the peace in the world. Imagine what it would be like to have peace and harmony in all of your relationships. Imagine what it would be like if when hard times come that you hurt, but you still feel peace. Note that we are not saying that hard times will never come and that life will all be a bed of roses. That’s only in fairy tales. However, peace IS still possible when those times do come. Challenges happen to all of us – those who have peace and those who do not. The difference is attitude and how we handle it. Imagine that no matter what is going on around you that you have peace. Imagine knowing how to make something good come out of any situation. Imagine having a heart full of love and sharing it.

Now close your eyes and picture all of this.

Next time, we will discuss how to know if the advice you are given on happiness is real or not....

Until then here are some exercises to do:

On a scale of one to ten rate your desire to achieve happiness. On a scale of one to ten what is your commitment level to removing unhappiness and achieving happiness. What is holding you back? Take some time to discover these and write them out and see if holding on to these things is really worth a lifetime of unhappiness. Is happiness worth the effort?

What can you do to improve your desire and your commitment?

When you wake up each morning picture the happiness and peace that you would like to manifest your life. Do the same as you go to bed each night. This will start making imprints in your subconscious ming.

Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life

For the next few posts, I am going to post some life changing articles that I have written over the last several months that I thought would be very helpful to everyone. This one serves as the foundation of the others.

We have all enjoyed a good puppet show. A puppeteer pulls strings and makes the puppets hands and feet move and he speaks words that supposedly comes from the puppet? These little shows can be quiet entertaining.

Are You a Puppet on Strings?

So how is your puppet show? How many puppet strings have you given out? Is it a harmless entertaining show? Let’s explore. (Mine was not so entertaining – at least not in a good way.)

Imagine yourself as a puppet. Now think of all the people, things, and situations that make you unhappy. These are your puppeteers. How dare they do that to you! Right?

Now imagine yourself (as a puppet) giving a string (with a little round pull on the end) to each person, thing or situation that is causing you unhappiness. That is exactly what you have done - subconsciously handed over your happiness. Each time you think of that person, thing or situation in a negative way and start harboring resentment or thinking “poor pitiful me – look what they have done to me” or “look at what has happened to me” you are handing them or it a puppet string and telling them to pull the string tighter and tighter. So you can imagine if you have given a string to your financial situation, your enemy, your mother, your ex, your in-laws, your boss, your broken car, your job, etc, etc….. Each time you think of them or it your string gets tighter and tighter.

How Many Directions Can You Be Pulled?

How many strings have you handed out? How many directions are you being pulled? Are you being flipped upside down, to one side, then the other, one hand pulled across your body stretched as far as it can go without ripping from your torso, the other hand pulled the other direction across your body, one foot up in the air over your head, the other pulled behind you, your head pulled to one side then spun around and around? How many more strings can you really hand out? How many more directions can you be pulled and spun?

How it Begins and Progresses…

Think of it this way. With the very first negative thought that enters your mind you hand over the string to someone or thing or situation. With each and every negative thought that compounds on the previous negative thought you allow your string to be pulled tighter and tighter. How many directions are you being pulled, flipped and spun?

This is going to hurt…. I know, I have been there….. Many will not accept its truth because it is easier not to do so…. But, happiness can not be achieved without its knowledge….. Here it is: Many times the people to whom you hand the string do not even know that you have handed them the string. They are going about living their lives and have no idea they are pulling your string. The real answer is they are not pulling your string. They are simply living and you have chosen to wrap a string around them and be jerked around. Ouch… I know that may have hurt, but happiness can not manifest itself in your heart if you do not face this fact. Whether or not someone knows they are pulling your string is irrelevant. The good news is you can still take back your string.

Stinkin’ Thinkin’?

Another way to word all of this is blaming. I have a favorite quote. It goes like this: “You can blame people or things or situations for your unhappiness or you can be happy.” Read that one more time. What is it saying? The key word here is blaming. As long as you are engaged in the thinking error of blaming you will never be happy. That is worth repeating…. As long as you are engaged in the thinking error of blaming you will never be happy. Right now you are probably saying, “Who are you to tell me that I am not thinking accurately?” The answer is I was the queen of thinking errors – most of all of the fifteen most common thinking errors, but especially blaming. Learning to recognize the errors and reprogram my mind with accurate healthy thinking was one of the single best things I have ever done.

So What Do I Do Now?

Throughout life I have heard many people say, “Happiness comes from within.” I thought to my-self, “That sounds great.” But, for a long time no one ever explained to me what that meant exactly or how to get that happiness within. I never “got it” for a long time. Now I would like to spare you the heartache I went through until I figured out what happiness meant and how to get it. We will discuss how to remove the strings, think positive, achieve happiness, and more in the next several posts.

Steps Needed to Win through Adversity

Well, we all go through it. It's called adversity. It's called problems. It's called trails. It's called struggles. It's called whatever you want to call it, but we must all admit that it happens to all of us. No one can escape them. We can live our lives in such a way as to avoid some of them and hopefully we are all working to do that, but things do come up. So if they are inevitable what can we do about them? How can we win over them and come out on top and even become better because of them? That's what we will talk about today. As I think about all the ingredients necessary to come out on top this may become a series in stead of just one post... It's so good I can't write it all in one post :)

1. Recognize that Problems Do Happen.
As we have already noted, problems do happen. Don't be foolish enough to think they will never happen to you, because they do happen to EVERYONE. Don't go around expecting bad things to happen or be paranoid. That will only make things worse. Instead, simply recognize the fact that anything can happen. Recognizing this fact, helps us to be prepared when things do come up. We're not shocked and taken off guard. Thinking they will never happen to you only sets yourself up for failure. I heard a wise person say one time that you're either in a problem now, coming out of one or about to enter one.

2. Decide Ahead of Time How You Will React.
Since we know that problems will come up decide ahead of time to be positive. Decide ahead of time that you will come out on top. Decide ahead of time that you will look for the good in each and every problem. It all starts with a decision. If you don't decide ahead of time how you will react, then you will be devastated with each and every problem.

Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude

3. Look at the Big Picture.
This requires you to HAVE a big picture. In the whole scheme of things how important is this? Will it really matter in one week, one month, one year, ten years or 100 years from now? Sometimes, simply asking yourself that question will eliminate your frustration all together and you can give it up.

The big picture requires you to have vision and goals and priorities. Know where you are going and what's important to you. Step back and look at things. How does this problem fit into all of this? Does it really fit into your vision and goals? If not, maybe it's not worth worrying about. Actually, just knowing and laying out a clear vision will prevent you from even considering some things as problems. If you have a clear vision, you may be able to just laugh at some things. If the problem does fit into and effect your vision and priorities follow the rest of the principles laid out here.

4. Focus on the Future.
Again, this requires you to see the big picture and have a clear vision. Know where you are going. Whatever you are facing, focus on the future, instead of the past. Our natural tendency is to turn toward the past and dwell on past failures that remind us of this particular problem. That will only make things worse as that will cause us to be dwelling on the negative. Focusing on the future forces us to think on the positive. Focusing on the past can easily get us into blaming mode, whether that be blaming others or ourselves for this and previous problems. Instead look forward and focus on where you want to be and take responsibility to move yourself in that direction. Focusing on the problem and the past only makes the problem bigger.

Make a decision to start implementing these steps steps today. You CAN come out on top!

More for next time....

Do You Want More out of Life?

Do you ever find yourself disappointed with life? Does it often seem like life is just not treating you fairly? I was at this place in my life for a long time. I didn’t understand why all these good things seemed to be “happening” to some people, while it never happened to me or other people that I knew.

Finally, I heard someone say one time that you get out of life what you put into it. I decided to test this what seemed to me like a hypothesis. What did I have to lose? Well, I’m happy to report that it worked. What I found is that it is not a hypothesis, but rather a principle. In other words it always works. It is something that has natural consequences.

Are you sitting around and waiting for things to happen the way you want them and wondering why they are not turning out the way you want? The biggest secret I can pass along is that these things will never HAPPEN to you – that is if you are sitting around waiting for them to happen. In other words, you have to make life “happen” or turn out the way you want. You see if you are sitting around your life will just sit around with you. If you get up and make some plans and get busy putting them into action your life will go with you. It will take you where you lead it.

Do you want more out of your marriage? Put something into it. It requires effort, selflessness, paying attention and action to make it what you want it to be, not waiting for your spouse to do all the work.

Do you want more out of your business? What are you putting into it? Are you waiting for that “big thing” to happen? Are you putting into it the actions that bring results? Make sure you are spending your time on the activities that do bring results, not just doing busy work.

Are you taking life too seriously? Do you want life to be more fun? What you are you doing to lighten things up? Do you need to look at things a little lighter? Put a little humor into life. Start looking for humor in situations. If you train your mind to look for it you will find it. Point out the funny things and laugh at them. It will go a long way. Make a decision to lighten up and enjoy life more. I’m not saying not to take life seriously. That’s exactly the opposite of the point of this post. Take seriously what you need to, but you will enjoy life a lot more and even get a lot more accomplished if you decide to laugh more and lighten up. Laughter makes your brain work better.

Do you want to get more out of parenthood? What are you putting into it? Are you taking the time to spend with your children? Are you spending quality time with them? Are you taking the time to teach them what is important and instilling the principles of life in them? We all make mistakes, but we can make a decision to move forward.

Is your spiritual life lacking? Are you waiting to see what God is going to do for you? What about asking what you can do for God. It’s amazing the difference you will see. It’s amazing the blessings God will send your way when you work for Him instead of waiting for Him to work for you. Once you put the effort in the returns will be more than you can count.

Do you wish you had better neighbors? Be a better neighbor.

Do you wish you had more friends or that your friends would treat you better? Be a friend. Be a better friend.

Do you want more love? Give more love.

Do you want more happiness? Work to make others happy.

Do you want better health or want your health to last a long time? Take care of your body. Eat healthy, exercise, get rid of the chemicals and toxins in your home and find some high quality nutritional supplements. Think positive. Studies show that changing the way you think and look at things affects your brain chemistry and will improve your health. Laugh more.

Enjoy all the rewards of giving your all. It’s the only way to live!

Why Relationships Fail and How to Turn Them Around

First of all, let me apologize for not writing more this week. It has been one challenging week, but God just keeps blessing us and we must move on.

Today's post will cover why marriages and all relationships fail and what can be done about it.

Many experts will say that miscommunication or lack of communication is the number one reason for problems in marriages and relationships and why they fail. While communication is very big, I beg to differ with the fact that it is the number one problem or reason. A closer look will show that it actually goes much deeper.

Let's reveal the real reasons relationships fail and why happiness so often seems to be so far away. Please do not make the mistake of just reading over these lightly. They are very deep and eye opening (if you are open) and have the potential to dramatically improve your relationships:



1. You think that the other person will make you happy. "If I only have this one person then I will be happy."

2. You are seeking what you can get out of the relationship and what it and the other person can do for you.

3. You seek to change the other person to suit your needs and make them who you want them to be.

4. You blame the other person for everything that is going wrong in the relationship and for making you unhappy.

5. You take your spouse for granted.
Do you notice a correlation between any of these??? Look closer.... It can be summed up by this:

Selfishness and lack of responsibility.

So now let us explore the problem with the statements above, but most importantly what can be done about them:

1. What's the problem with the first problem we noted above? If you are looking for your happiness in this person eventually they are going to disappoint you. Then you will be devastated and fall apart. You will also have a tendency to personalize EVERYTHING they do or say. Instead of thinking about how this person is going to or is making you happy, choose to have peace and happiness with in yourself no matter what they do or say or think - or what anyone else says or does or thinks. People will ALWAYS disappoint you no matter how hard they try - period.

2. As long as you are seeking what YOU can get out of the relationship and what it and the other person can do for YOU you will never know love or be satisfied in the relationship. Again, you will be disappointed. Love and happiness only comes when you put aside your own needs and focus on what you can do to please the other person - and DO it. It is only then that your own needs will get met. Love is a choice and requires action. Just give it a try. Your relationship may not change over night, but it will change.

3. Seeking to change the other person to suit your needs and make them who you want them to be might sound like a good idea, but there's only one problem - you can not change other people. The only thing and person you can change is yourself - your thoughts, feelings and actions. Take a close look at what your faults are - in particular, your faults in the relationship and work to change them. Be open to seeing your faults. If you're having trouble seeing them, just ask your spouse or the other person. Be humble. Say, "I know I haven't been the kind of spouse I could be in our relationship. I'm sorry. I want to work on it and get better. Could you please tell me what I can work on?" Be open and prepared to hear what they say. Also, work on thinking positive. Recognize when the first negative thought comes into your head and replace it with a positive thought.

4. As long as you blame the other person for everything that is going wrong in the relationship and for making you unhappy then you will be unhappy. My favorite quote is: "You can blame others for your unhappiness or you can be happy." As we have already stated, choose to be happy no matter what. Also, instead, take responsibility for everything that is wrong in the relationship, whether it is actually your fault or not, and make a decision to do something to change it. Make a decision to change everything you don't like by changing it yourself, not by trying to change the other person. Until you stop blaming others for anything, you will always, always be miserable. I know. I learned the hard way. Life is much better and easier when you take responsibility.

5. As long as you take your spouse for granted, you will never care enough to follow these principles. View your spouse as a blessing - a gift from God. Then you will begin to see them in a whole new light. You will see how truly blessed you are to have them and want to do things to please them. Both you and your spouse will enjoy this new view.

Enjoy the changes!!

Suicide Prevention Prayer

Yesterday morning I was awaken from sleep by my cell phone ringing that I forgot to turn off the night before. The caller was informing me that someone I love was talking about committing suicide. What a scary and startling way to wake up! The person did get some help and did not follow through with it thankfully. Since I was awaken so suddenly by it, it was as if everything I knew to do went out the door.

After things calmed down, I began to think about how I would handle the situation differently if it happened again and I began to look for opportunities in it. I began to think about what I would say to this person if there was a next time. Somehow my mind led me to a prayer that I could help this person pray and I just had to write it down. It turned into not only a prayer that I could help this person pray if that situation arose again, but I think really more importantly it turned into a prayer that we can pray every day so that our minds never get to the point of even thinking about suicide. I decided to post that prayer here for everyone's benefit.

The main thing it reminds us of is to see the big picture and keep our focus on it.

Please feel free to use this prayer and refer this to anyone you think could use it - or better yet just refer it to everyone you love. Let's make an effort to prevent suicide!

It also turned into a good reason to be and/or the blessings of being a Christian - if you need more info on becoming a Christian please refer to http://www.wbschool.org/

Here is the prayer:

"Dear Father, life is hard. So often it really just does not seem fair. Help me to remember that you never promised it would be easy, but instead that you would always be there for me and give me strength, comfort and wisdom when I turn to you and that I can have peace just resting in that.

Father, I realize that I am a sinful creature and that even though I do not deserve your love and forgiveness, you continually pour it out on me anyway. You are such an awesome God and I am so blessed.

Father, sometimes I really struggle and do not know all the answers and that is hard, but I realize that you are way bigger than any of my problems and that I can handle anything with
you on my side.

Father, so many times it is easy to get caught up in life’s daily problems and I think the world is against me and that there is no use in trying anymore. Please help me to remember that life is all about you and bringing glory and honor to you and that it is not about me. That is so hard to see
sometimes.

Father, so often when struggles arise all I can think about is the problem and how it affects ME. Help me not to try to avoid all of life’s problems because they are inevitable, but help me to focus on the solution to the problem and opportunity contained in it and how I can use it to your glory, not on the problem itself. For when I focus on the problem it only gets bigger, but help me to remember that good and opportunities can come from EVERYTHING if I look for it and let it.

Father, some people are mean and say cruel things. Help me to remember that just because someone says or does something that does not mean it is true. Help me to remember that it is only true of me if I choose to make it true of me. Help me to remember that you not only made me, but that you made me in your image!! Help me to remember that no one can harm my thoughts unless I give them permission.

Father, so many things do not go like I want them to. Give me the wisdom to discern between the things I can change and the things I can not. Help me to have the right attitude toward the things I can not change and to give them up to you. Help me to remember that the only thing and person I can control is myself – my thoughts and my actions. Help me to give up all other control to you, for the burden is too much for me.

Father, help me to remember that when I allow the first negative thought to come into my head that I am giving Satan an open invitation to come in and invade in my mind and have a party. Dear Father, help me to recognize Satan’s tactics and when he knocks on the door and help me to check to make sure the locks are bolted shut and invite you to come in instead for a spiritual feast. Help me to turn my thoughts to your blessings and toward what I can do to serve you.

Father, I realize that not everyone will give me approval even though I would like them to do so. That can hurt, but please help me to forgive them and remember that as long as I am looking outward and seeking approval from others that I will be miserable at best. Help me to instead look inward and to look to you to find more ways to love you and bring glory to you and to
look for ways to help others to feel approved by me instead.

Father, help me to remember that any time I expect others to look down on me that they will because I have already given them permission. Help me not to expect this from others, but help me to remember that any time I expect to find the good in
others I will find it.

Father, help me to remember that you want to send blessings my way. Please help me to be open to receiving them.

Father, there are many things that cloud my vision. Please help me to most of all remember that my purpose for being here is to bring glory and honor to YOU by taking YOU into the world. Help me to remember that it is all about YOU and living for YOU and seeking ways to show your love, peace and happiness to the world. Help me to do the things that would cause people to look at me and say, “Behold the Lamb” as John said of Jesus in the Bible. Help me to live in such a way that people see JESUS instead of seeing me.

It is only when I lose sight of this vision that I focus on my problems and how big they are and how they affect me, instead of remembering who I am and that I am here for YOUR GLORY and to use my problems FOR YOU. Father, I realize that only when I am seeking to shine your light to the world does life make any sense or have any meaning. All else is vanity.

Father, make my life all about you.

In Jesus’ name, amen."

Nelson's NKJV Study Bible

Update: If this prayer helped you you may also enjoy a series of posts that I am in the middle of posting on Steps to Happiness. It begins with Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life on March 18, 2008. You may also consider subscribing to this blog to learn more about inner peace and happiness. I hope I can help many many people find this peace that is possible to possess.

Success - Who Would I Be IF.....

Can anyone be successful?

As I was sitting at the feet of the most influential woman in my life last week listening to her speak, a thought occurred to me that I could not put out of my head. The lady who introduced the speaker told all about her life, but the one thing that stuck out the most to me was who her parents were. Her parents were very well known and influential people among the group I was with and to many others. After all the time I had known her personally I had forgotten that her parents were who they were.

So the question kept ringing in my ears: "Can someone really be great and successful if they did not have successful well known parents?" What if you did not grow up in an environment where you were always encouraged and told you could do anything you wanted if you put your trust in God? What if you grew up in a negative environment? I asked these questions because, like many of you, to a large part that was my reality. (I am not saying this to put down or dishonor or blame my parents in any way. They simply raised us in the only way they knew how and the way they had been taught. I had great parents who taught me to love and serve God and that I am very thankful for.) But the encouragement to inspire to greatness was not there.

Rags to Riches?

So where does this leave us? Is it possible to reach heights if we've never been encouraged to do so? You better believe it? I'm living proof. Is it more difficult? Sure, but the thing to note is it is absolutely possible - if and only if we tell ourselves it's possible. It only takes a reprogramming of the mind. If our subconscious mind has always been programmed for unsuccess we must recognize that, bring it to consciousness and reprogram it for success.

There are hundreds and hundreds of stories of people who almost literally went from rags to riches. One of my favorites is the story of Mike Brescia who went from being homeless to one of the most successful salesman of all times. His story is a must read.

How do we do it?

So how does it happen? How do we make something of ourselves if we must start from scratch? How do we reprogram our minds once we see the need to do so?

First, we must let go of the past. As long as we are stuck in the past and blaming anyone for our current situation we will never go forward. Instead we must focus on what we can learn from the past and how to use it to move forward.

Second, we must believe anything is possible. Without this belief we will go nowhere.

Third, submerge yourself in learning from those who have been successful. Read, listen to and learn everything you can from them. If you REALLY believe it is possible you will seek out and find the information you need. Your mind won't let you stop.

Fourth, which really goes before number two: after the question hit me about if you had to have super encouraging parents to be a success, the next question that came to mind was:

Who would I really be if I had never been told I couldn't do anything or if it had been instilled in me that I could do absolutely anything if I put my trust in God?

That is a question that we should continually ponder. This requires us to dream of things that others consider impossible. Have I mentioned before about believing anything is possible? That's no accident!

Fifth, once we have determined the person we want to be, the next step is to write out a description of the person you want to be and what you want to accomplish.

Sixth, Act out the person you have DECIDED to become.

Seven, Act as thought it were IMPOSSIBLE TO FAIL It's all about deciding to and acting on the decision without letting the possibility of retreat enter your mind. Persevere no matter what.

Go for it!!!!

Recomended audio for reprogramming the mind:
Think and Grow Rich (Original, Unabridged Edition 12 CD Set)

How to "Turn a Deaf Ear"

What can we learn from frogs about happiness? Last week I heard the story of the frog race for the first time. It is a very worthy lesson about happiness that would benefit everyone if they really took to heart and life the lessons contained in it. I thought it was so beneficial I just had to share it. Here it is:

There once was a bunch of tiny frogs who arranged a climbing competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants. The race began. No one in the crowd really believed the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.

Heard throughout the race were statements such as, “Oh, way too difficult,” “They will never make it to the top,” “Not a chance they will succeed,” and “The tower is too high.”

The tiny frogs began collapsing, one by one—except for those who, in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher. The crowd continued to yell, “It is too difficult! No one will make it!”

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up. But ONE continued to climb higher and higher. This one refused to give up!

At the end of the race, all had given up climbing the tower except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top!

All of the other tiny frogs wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it. They asked him how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal.

It turned out that the winning frog was DEAF!!!!

So what can we learn? The main point I would like to make is that we can all choose to be "deaf." That's right - we can choose to be "deaf" and "turn a deaf ear." The question is - how do we do it? We can choose ahead of time - beginning right now - that we will not listen to anyone - no one - who says negative things to us or utters discouraging words.

We can CHOOSE right NOW to:

• be happy and
• reach our goals no matter what anyone says.

When I learned this a while back it was one of the most liberating things, if not the most liberating things I ever discovered. Is this difficult? It can be, especially if you have been used to letting yourself be discouraged with everything every one says.

So how do you do it then?

CHOOSE to - right NOW. Remember that no one can rob you of your happiness or keep you from reaching your goals unless YOU give them permission. Life can only be grand if we CHOOSE to make it grand. I would also like to add that we can also CHOOSE not to let any outside circumstances get us down as well. CHOOSE today to be happy and to go for your dreams no matter what anyone says or no matter what happens. Is is possible? Just give it a try. It is a strong person who can turn a deaf ear. The rewards are innumerable!!

I would also like to add that not everyone is fortunate enough to know this lesson. To help them out, be a frog that says only encouraging positive words to others. The difference it can make can set the world on fire for good. Not only will the ones you encourage benefit, but the satisfaction it brings you will grow and warm your heart beyond measure.

Recommended reading:

The Choice

Lesson on Leadership

What is leadership? Is it necessary? Do you have to be happy in order to be a leader? Or do you have to be a leader in order to be happy? These are all good questions. I had a discussion with my husband last night about what leadership is. I used to have the belief that some people were born to be followers (myself in particular) and that they should stay that way and that some were born to be leaders. While I still think we are all born with natural tendencies one way or the other I think it's necessary for all of us to develop leadership skills and attitudes in many respects at least. The more I studied leadership and what it is I soon realized it is about character and integrity and taking responsibility. Are these necessary for living and for happiness??? That's up to you to decide...

General Colin Powell, a very wise and successful American leader has a lot to say about leadership. This is just one of his lessons he taught on leadership.

"Being responsible sometimes means [making people mad]."

Good leadership involves responsibility to the welfare of the group, which means that some people will get angry at your actions and decisions. It's inevitable if you're honorable. Trying to get everyone to like you is a sign of mediocrity: You'll avoid the tough decisions, you'll avoid confronting the people who need to be confronted, and you'll avoid offering differential rewards based on differential performance because some people might get upset. Ironically, by procrastinating on the difficult choices, by trying not to get anyone mad, and by treating everyone equally "nicely" regardless of their contributions, you'll simply ensure that the only people you'll wind up angering are the most creative and productive people in the organization.

Impossible to Fail

This is a quote I just came up with. Part of the quote is from an Earl Nightingale CD I just listened to.
I believe he was quoting from Dorothea Brande in Wake Up and Live

Dream of things that others would consider impossible, believe as though they are already a reality, and act as though it were impossible to fail.

Sunshine All the Time

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather,
always bring your own sunshine. - Anthony J. D'Angelo

Marvel erases Spidey-MJ Marriage

USA Today breaks the news:

In Amazing Spider-Man #545 last week, Peter and Mary Jane make a tearful deal with the devil-like character Mephisto: In exchange for saving Aunt May's life, Mephisto erases all traces of the Peter-Mary Jane marriage from memory.

In the issue out this week, subtitled Brand New Day, Peter Parker returns to his roots — young, nerdy and single. Aunt May is alive and well and Mary Jane is again just part of the cast. The marriage never happened.

What's up with this? Marvel can't erase a 21 year marriage just like that. Or can they? It's the comic world. I guess they can.

I know that many people would like to erase their marriage from existence. Sad.... What if instead we just erased our own selfishness. What if both partners just focused on what their spouse wanted instead of what they wanted. It happens over and over again that when this is put into practice - when someone focuses on pleasing their spouse that somehow their needs end up getting met too. How this world would change if we all practiced some humility - it's a win/win situation.

Fix Your Marriage. New Alternative to Counseling.

Blame or Be Happy

You can blame people, things or events for your unhappiness or you can be happy.
The choice is yours.

Level 5 Leadership

In his book, Good to Great, Jim Collins clearly distinguishes between good and great companies. Jim and his research team present a hierarchy of business leadership styles. The great organizations have what he calls Level 5 leadership. If you can imagine a pyramid with 5 levels, the bottom layer is the level 1 leader (highly capable individual), level 2 is a contributing team member...all the way to the top with a level 5 leader.

The level 5 leader is an executive that builds enduring greatness within the organization. When things are going well, the level 5 leader gives the credit to others. When things go wrong, he/she takes full responsibility for missed chances (rather than participating in thinking errors, such as blaming or controlling). In addition, the level 5 leader is humble, and has the attitude, "It's not about me." Instead, he/she sets an example, and channels ego needs away from himself (has a low me factor).

All of the great companies in Jim's book had level 5 leaders. In my opinion, level 5 leadership can be applied beyond the workplace. I need to be a level 5 leader for my family, in my community, at church, etc. Can you imagine the impact we could have if we were surrounded by level 5 leadership?

Blaming vs. Peace

As I looked up the definition for peace the other day on the internet the definition really struck me as interesting and I have been thinking about it over and over again over the last few days. Every definition I saw defined peace as an absence of something (war, hostility, troubles, etc.). So fascinating! You hear about people wanting to acquire peace and we get caught in the trap of looking and looking for it, when what we need to be doing is looking inward to see all the junk we need to be ridding our minds of. I see it as a need for a cleansing of our lives, of our minds of the unnecessary garbage we have allowed to penetrate it - of the thinking errors and negative thoughts we keep feeding our selves....

The thinking error that has been so prevalent on my mind lately is blaming. Several events in my life recently have unveiled to show me the need for removing this thinking error - and ridding it of my thoughts completely. I believe blaming is the one thinking error that I have always struggled the most with. I have figured out that blaming others is the easiest thing to do, while taking responsibility is the hardest, yet most rewarding thing we can do in our lives. How many times have I shrugged off responsibility and just put the blame on others for causing things to turn out the way they have for me. We blame others for ruining our lives because of something that"they did to us" and then we just sit back and have a pity party and say we can't move on with our lives. What happens when we blame is we rob ourselves of life itself. Notice I didn't say that "we allow others to rob us of our life." That language still puts the blame on others.

Recently, I have made a conscious effort to to not blame anyone or anything for any thing that I do or that happens (no matter how small). Even the little things like tripping over a toy "my dog left lying around" can get my mind in the blaming mode. I could get mad at my dog for leaving the toy there and let my anger level rise or I could say "I should have been watching where I was going" or "I need to teach my dog to put his toys up." Taking responsibility only presents opportunities for improvement and growth.

Ridding our lives of blaming - just one more step towards removing the junk in our lives that keeps us from having peace and a positive attitude..... Each time I feel my anger level rise, I'm going to ask myself if I'm engaging in blaming.