Obtaining Wisdom in a Chaotic World (Continued)....

In a previous post we began the discussion of wisdom - what is it and how to obtain it. We are going to continue this discussion as we add some more steps to the process...

In the previous post we defined wisdom as the ability to see the big picture. (As we will see it goes far beyond simply seeing the big picture, although that is the foundation.) Then we began discussing the first two steps to obtain it: 1. Defining your values and ordering them and 2. Setting goals and ordering them.

Step 3. in obtaining wisdom is to now take your list of priorities and goals and take a look at them EVERY morning BEFORE you begin your day. This constantly reminds you to see things in perspective.

• 3a. It's always a good idea to evaluate your priorities (see previous post) and goals lists and ask yourself, "Are these the noblest of priorities and goals that I could possibly have? Are these really what is important? In the whole scheme of things, are these the really important things?" Make sure everything has congruity and that it will bring you the most satisfaction. If you need to change anything then do it at this time. If you are satisfied with your lists as it is, then...


• 3b. If you haven't already, break your long term goals down into more specific attainable intermediate goals by asking yourself how and when you will obtain them. Write them down.


• 3c. Begin dwelling on these list and lay out your day according to them. Make out your "to do" list according to the priorities and goals lists and what you want to accomplish in your life.

Now, you will begin to see things from a larger perspective. When something comes along that could distract your attention, somehow it doesn't seem so distracting anymore, because you have a bigger picture. Life all the sudden makes sense.

Step 4 in obtaining wisdom is to raise your level of consciousness. Become conscious of everything you do. In laying out your priorities and goals you are already well on your way with this step. Become conscious of everything you are doing. When something distracting comes along ask yourself, "How does this affect the big picture? How does this fit into my values and priorities?" If it has no relation to them, then you can just dismiss and continue on with the direction you want things to go. " Will this matter next week, next month, year or next decade?" is another good question to ask. With these questions you will easily be able to see what is important or what is simply urgent, but has no real importance.

Step 5 in obtaining wisdom is to focus on value. Before doing something, ask yourself, "Does this provide value?" "Does it provide value to those I love, the world or to me?" Will it make a real long term difference?" Really, if you have laid out your priorities well, this one has already been answered for you ahead of time. But, if a situation arises and you are wondering what to do, this is another great question to ask.

Step 6 is to train your mind to think about consequences - good or bad. When trying to decide whether or not to do something ask yourself, "How will this action affect that or what will it lead to? If I choose to do that, what will be the outcome? What will be the consequences of this action?" Will it produce good results or consequences or will it produce negative consequences that you will have to live with for the rest of your life? In other words, look at it from every angle and determine what the outcome will be.

For more information:
Refer to Jonathon Meade's post on urgent verses important matters at Pick the Brain and/or read Time Power: The Revolutionary Time Management System That Can Change Your Professional and Personal.

As someone who used to be the most indecisive person in the whole world, I enjoy learning new questions to ask myself....What questions do you ask yourself to help make wise decisions?

How Big are You?

I have this shirt from my college days that has this quote on it by John Donne

No man is

an Island,


entire of


itself; every


man is a


piece of


the


Continent,

a part


of the


main....

I have been thinking about this quote a lot and how it goes along with many of my blog posts on Steps to Happiness. I wanted to share it as a reminder that the world is bigger than we are. Let's continue to think about what we can do to make a contribution to this world.

What contribution will you make today......?

Steps to Happiness - Part 7 The How to's of an Attitude of Gratitude

To read the precious articles in this series please go to:

Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life
Steps to Happiness – Part 2Steps to Happiness - Part 3 - Does this Stuff Really Work?
Steps to Happiness – Part 4 - Who is Master?
Steps to Happiness – Part 5 - Choose What Kind of Chicken You'll be before an Egg Hatches
Steps to Happiness - Part 6 - Happy People Don't Seek Happiness

A thankful heart is the parent of all virtues.

- Cicero

This last article on Steps to Happiness has come to be my favorite although I didn't know it would at the time. This gratititude thing has presented itself to me over and over again and I soon came to see that as Cicero said it truly is the "parent of all virutes." The more this idea presents itself and the more I think about it the more I come to see that it is the foundation of all the other steps. Maybe it should have been first. But, then again maybe the other steps are necessary in order to be grateful.....I guess you could look at it both ways. Either way, I'm just being constantly reminded that I need improvement in this area of my life (and for that I'm grateful!).

As this idea kept presenting itself me I was refered to a book. After researching the book I can say that it will be my next purchase (soon) and one that I can recommend to my readers. It is called Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier. I can't say it's a "new science," but it certainly looks like something we can all learn from. (Don't you love how in this world of blogging we can end a sentence with a preposition.:) I always wanted to do that. My English teachers would not be proud. :))

When we take on this new attititude (really, it's like a whole world view) and TRULY INTERNALIZE it, it changes how we see EVERYTHING and how we think and act and treat everyone including ourselves.

Well, enough babbling......


Gratitude....


Does it ever seem like you just don’t have anything? Do you often find yourself complaining about the things you don’t have? Are you not getting what you want out of relationships? These are serious issues for many people and it seems like a solution is nowhere in sight. So what can be done about it?

Developing and maintaining an attitude of gratitude is a must in order to find solutions to these problems and to lead a life of happiness. Without this attitude one will lead a miserable life at best, but with it the blessings abound. So the question arises, “If it is so important then what is it and how do I achieve it?” That’s the question I asked for a long time. Discovering the secret was life transforming.

I remember the first time that I encountered someone who had a true spirit of gratitude. I totally could not understand it. I remember thinking “I wish I could be like that.” – not realizing that I really could be. She had always been one of my favorite people, but it wasn’t until this day that I figured out why. Her husband was basically in a vegetable state and at the point of death and she said to me, “He may not live, much longer. I’m just thankful for the time we’ve had together.” I thought, “Wow, that is an amazing attitude!”

What is an attitude of gratitude?


Before we go any further, we need to recognize that attitude is a mindset; it’s a way of life, a constant way of being – of looking at things. It is something that we internalize. We define gratitude as being thankful. So we could define attitude of gratitude as a constant spirit or state of thankfulness.


So how do I develop this attitude?

First, and probably the most obvious recommendation, look around at all the people who have it worse than you do. There is always someone out there that is in worse shape than you are. If you’re not convinced then watch the news (although I try not to do that because it is so negative.) You will always find someone who is in a more troubling situation than you. It will put you in your place very fast.

Second, recognize that EVERY blessing you have is a gift from God – everything from, a roof over your head, to food to eat, to (hot) water to take a bath, to the people in your life, to the air that you breath, to life itself, to time. Not only is it a gift from God, it is a gift from God that you do not even deserve. This is not a “poor pitiful me, I’m not good enough for anything” attitude. It is exactly the opposite - recognizing how truly blessed you are and realizing that we are all sinful people that God chooses to bless anyway. He just blesses those people much more who live their lives for Him (I am not talking monetarily, although it can be included).

Truly happy people recognize that everything they have is not only a gift that they don’t deserve, but that it is a gift to be used for God’s glory. (This attitude changes how you treat everyone.) God really blesses these people. They also recognize that any of it could be taken away at any time and that is okay because they never really even deserved it in the first place.

When you view everything as a gift something almost magical happens. These things begin to transform into something beautiful. If we treat the people in our lives as a gift, then our relationships start to change and take on a whole new beautiful form.

Third, focus on what you DO have, not on what you do not have. There’s a secret. It goes like this: What you focus on expands. If you think about and focus on what you do not have you will just keep having nothing because nothing expanded is still nothing. If you focus on what you do have, you will be amazed at the blessings that come into your life. (Focusing on positive things always creates more positive thoughts. Focusing on negative things always creates more negative thoughts.)

Fourth, give of your abundance – your newly discovered blessings- cheerfully (even if it seems like very little). You always get back in direct proportion to what you give. If you give a little, you get a little back. If you give a lot you get a lot back.

Remember how we deal with life is always a choice. From experience, I can tell you it is well worth finally choosing gratitude.

Exercises:

1. Make a list of all your blessings. Read the list at least twice a day.
   
2. When you start to think about all the things you don’t have, just replace it with 3 things that you do have (and your mind will show you even more blessings that you do have.)
   Ex. If you only have $2 to you name. Think “Wow, I have $2, instead of thinking I ONLY have $2. Then think of two other blessings to go along with it. Remember someone out there has lost everything they owned in some tragic event. Even if you have lost everything you own, be thankful for life itself and the opportunities ahead of you instead of focusing on the problem itself.
   

Steps to Happiness - Part 6 - Happy People Don't Seek Happiness

We are nearing the end of our articles on Steps to Happiness. Thank you for joining us.

To read the previous articles in this series go to:

Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life

Steps to Happiness – Part 2
Steps to Happiness - Part 3 - Does this Stuff Really Work?

Steps to Happiness – Part 4 - Who is Master?

Steps to Happiness – Part 5 - Choose What Kind of Chicken You'll be before an Egg Hatches

In our last article we discussed what happy people say to themselves every day and how they view things. As promised, in this article we will talk about why happy people are able to view things as they do.

Who is it all about?

So here it is…. the secret that ALL happy people possess…. They realize the world is bigger than themselves – that the world does not revolve around them. What do we mean exactly by this?
Happy people are not focused on their own happiness. They are not seeking happiness. They are seeking to bring others happiness.

Happy people go about their lives looking for ways to enhance other people’s lives. They are seeking ways to bring a smile to someone else’s face and heart. They seek peace and joy for others.

And why do they do this? Let’s take this even a step further – to the real reason…

Who is it really about?
They realize that life is all about God, not about themselves.

Happy people realize their purpose for being here in this world. They realize that they are here to bring glory to God so they seek to know God and to form and maintain a relationship with Him. They seek to bring God glory in all they do. That includes bringing others joy.

The Void

I realize that for some people that I have made a bold statement, but you see, as long as someone does not have a relationship with God there will ALWAYS be a hole, a void in their lives - something missing. This point can be argued, but it does not change the fact that a person will always have this void that can only be filled by God and a relationship with Him. It's the way we are made.

Someone can refuse to accept this and go live the life they choose and do whatever they want, but they will always be brought back to this truth. They will always have this void unless and until they form a relationship with God, realize it’s all about God and then seek to make others happy. Filling this void gives people purpose and meaning. This is why happy people are able to look at everything as an opportunity – an opportunity to bring glory to God.

It is important to note that a true relationship with God takes commitment, but the joys and rewards are innumerable…. way beyond what anyone could ever imagine!!!

What Now?

So the question arises… How do I come to know God and form a relationship with Him? The best free resources I have found are

http://www.wbschool.org/ and
www.housetohouse.com/hth/freebies/

Exercises:

Use the above resources to learn about God and form a relationship with Him.

As you go throughout your day look for ways to bring joy to others. Act on it.

Steps to Happiness – Part 5 - Choose What Kind of Chicken You'll be before an Egg Hatches

Thank you for following along in our series on Steps to Happiness.
Here are the links to the previous articles in this series:
Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life
Steps to Happiness – Part 2
Steps to Happiness - Part 3 - Does this Stuff Really Work?
Steps to Happiness – Part 4 - Who is Master?
In our first few articles we discussed some ways to take back our puppet strings so that we could have a grasp on happiness. In our last article we began talking about some ways to prevent handing our puppet strings to other people, things and situations.Today we will continue the discussion of prevention.

How Do We Deal with the Inevitable?

In step four we mentioned that there was a secret that happy people have learned since they have knowledge of the thought/emotion order….. If it is true that we can have control over our thoughts then we can conclude that we can choose our thoughts, emotions and reactions AHEAD OF TIME.

How do I choose my thoughts ahead of time?

Happy people get up every day and say something very similar to these words to themselves:

• “I can choose evil or good today. I choose good.”

• “I can choose to think negatively today or I can choose to think positively. I choose to think positively.”

• “I can choose to think about bad things going on my life and in the world or I can think about the good things going on and the good things I can do. I choose to THINK about the good things going on and I choose to DO good.”

• “I can think about all the things I do not have or I can think about all that I do have. I choose to think about all that I do have.”

• “I can choose to think about the parts of my body that don’t work quiet right or hurt or I can be glad for the ones that do work right and don’t hurt.” I choose to be glad for the ones that do work right and don’t hurt.”

• “I can choose to see and look for the bad in every person and thing or I can see and look for the good and potential in every person and thing. I choose to see and look for the good.”

• “I realize anything can happen today. That’s o:k because I’m bigger than any problem that arises. I choose to look for the good and opportunity in it.”

Let’s talk for a moment about outside circumstances….

1. You see, happy people choose to be happy no matter what comes up, no matter what outside circumstances arise. They CHOOSE AHEAD OF TIME to look for the GOOD in any and EVERY circumstance that arises.

2. Happy people live with the realization that any thing can come up or happen at any time. They simply choose not to fall apart with each bump that comes up in the road. They choose not to live in a fairy-tale land expecting that everything will be perfect and rosy and nothing will ever go wrong.They realize that bad things happen to everyone including themselves.Thinking otherwise will only be setting themselves up for failure.Since bumps in the road are inevitable they program their mind to think, “bump = opportunity.”

So does this mean that happy people love everything? - that there is not anything that a happy person does not like?

No. There are things that a happy person does not like - negativity and evil being the two biggest things. They have simply programmed their mind to THINK OPPORTUNITY WITH EVERY THING AND EVERY MOMENT instead of programming it for gloom and doom.Gloom and doom are not even an option in their mind.

Does this mean that happy people are never sad?

Absolutely not.Are they sad much less often? You bet. When the inevitable sadness comes they evaluate it. If it’s merited like the death of a loved one then they allow themselves to feel it, but choose not to get lost in it forever. They choose a time to grieve and they choose to grow from it and continue on with their lives. They choose to become better for it, not bitter.The grieving process is necessary. They then can choose to turn this into an opportunity to help comfort others in the same situation.

Next time, we will discuss the reasoning behind why happy people are able to think in these ways.

Exercises:

• Remember four key words we used in this discussion: choose, good, positive, and opportunity.

• Remember life is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in – positive or negative. The choice is yours.

• Copy the statement from the previous paragraph and all the quotes from the beginning of the article onto a note card or piece of paper. Make one more copy.Keep one beside your bed.

Read it every day when you wake up and every night before you go to bed for 30 days.Keep the other copy with you. If you find yourself struggling, pull it out and read it. Just give it 30 days.See if you and everyone around you do not notice a difference.Share some things that you use to prevent yourself from getting so upset when when those inevitable things happen?

Recommended reading on this subject:
The Choice

Did you find this post helpful? Consider subscribing to this blog.

Steps to Happiness – Part 4 - Who is Master?

Thank you for joying us on this journey toward happiness. This is article number four in a series of articles on Steps to Happiness. Sense it is important to follow these in order you will find it very helpful to first read the previous articles:

Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life,
Steps to Happiness – Part 2
Steps to Happiness - Part 3 - Does this Stuff Really Work?

Let’s discuss some more ways to take back our puppet strings from our puppeteers.

We have already discussed the need to take responsibility and do away with blaming, the necessity for a real desire to change, and the commitment to do what it takes to change and achieve happiness. Then we discussed the difference between principles and advice.

The Secret to Happiness
So what other principles guide us to happiness? What do the happy people in this world have over the unhappy ones? Is it genetic? Were they just born with that disposition? Some probably were, but most have learned this secret – this time tested principle……. this secret that ANYONE can learn…..

Here it is…… Happiness is a choice.

So how do I choose Happiness?
“Well...if it is a choice,” you might ask, “then how do I choose it?” That’s what I would like to share with you because I was aimlessly floating around wondering the same thing for a long time. It’s like someone telling you to “get over” something without first listening to you and then showing you how to get over it.

Choosing happiness requires you to be MASTER over all your emotions and thoughts instead of you being SLAVE to them and being ruled and controlled by them. How we go about doing that is to first recognize and become aware of our thoughts and emotions. Bring them to consciousness. Your thoughts and emotions are usually all tucked away in your subconscious mind and control what you do and say without you even being aware of it. What we must do is bring them to consciousness.

Understanding the Thought and Emotion Sequence
In order to bring them to consciousness, we must understand the thoughts and emotions order or sequence. Thoughts come first (and are usually based on previous experiences) and then they feed our emotions and then we act or react. Most people believe that it is the other way around – that their feelings come first and that they have no control over them and their thoughts. So whenever their emotions arise they simply react without even thinking twice. That’s just the problem – they don’t think twice. They don’t even know that they did think and so they react according to their emotions. Understanding this is key!

An outstanding book that will help you to gain a deeper understanding of this and teach you more in depth how to gain control of your emotions is Emotions: Can You Trust Them? by Dr. James Dobson.

Once we have a knowledge of the thought/emotion order there is a trick that we can apply that all happy people have learned. We will discuss it next time….

But, for now, some good exercises are:

1. Take note of each time that you don’t like something (ANYTHING you don’t like). Every time you feel yourself getting angry, frustrated or upset, etc. over something, stop yourself. Write down the event and your thoughts and feelings about it, what you wanted to do (be honest) and what you did.

2. Then choose not to think about it until you have calmed down. Choose instead to get your mind involved in an enjoyable hobby or to think about good things. Make a list of good things or blessings and keep it with you just for cases like these (keep adding to it). The key is to stop the rumination or negative thinking. Remember what I call the law of compounding: one negative thought leads to another negative thought and then it explodes out of control. On the other hand, one positive thought leads to another positive thought, and then it explodes….

3. After you are in a good frame of mind (it could be days later), see if you can identify your negative thoughts and replace them with better positive thoughts. Don’t get frustrated if you are struggling at first. Be patient with yourself. Practice makes perfect. It will come if you don’t give up.

Remember this sequence: Perception (Was the event indeed how you actually saw it?)…Thoughts…Feelings….Actions...Consequences.

Share with us some examples of when you acted on your emotions and they got you into trouble.

Steps to Happiness - Part 3 - Does this Stuff Really Work?

This is number three in a series of articles on steps to achieve happiness that I wrote earlier and decided to now post on my blog. In order to understand this post it will be necessary to first read the previous posts on Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life and the second article on Steps to Happiness – Part 2

By now, if you are among those who are still following this series of articles, you should be congratulated for your commitment to change your life for the better. You will not regret your commitment. Happiness is such a wonderful thing! You are going to create a beautiful life for yourself.

How are your pictures of peace that you have created in your mind? Make those pictures beautiful. Don’t hold back or put any limitations on yourself. You get what you think about.

Step by Step
It is important to note that each article that we go through builds on the previous one. Happiness can only be achieved by building on each one in order.

Principles vs. Advice
Before we go any further to learn how to remove our puppet strings that we have thrown out into the world, there is something foundational that we must discuss. It is the difference between principles or truth and advice. To get a better idea of what we are talking about we will define each term and then note the differences.

What are principles?
I like to call these truths. I realize that some people argue that truth doesn’t even exist. I’m not writing to argue that point. I think that the rest of this article and the succeeding ones will take care of that notion. For our point we will look at some of Webster’s definitions of the word principle. Principle is defined as: “1. the ultimate source, origin, or cause of something. 2. a natural or original tendency 3. an essential element or quality esp. one that produces a specific effect. “

What is this saying? Principles have natural consequences or results. Period! There’s no way around it or no way to argue that it is not true. Principles have natural positive good results. The key word here is “natural.” One example is the fact that if someone takes responsibility for his/her actions then he/she will be happier. This is not advice. It’s a principle or truth or fact.

What is advice?
Advice is defined by Webster as “opinion given as to how to handle a situation; counsel.” Advice is something that may or may not work. The key word here is “opinion.” An example would be “If you want to lose 20 pounds then you should get up at 5 am every morning and exercise.” That’s an opinion even though some principles may be contained in it.

“So what’s the point?” you might say. The point is: the information I am passing along to you is based on principle. Someone may argue about whether the information works or not, but it still will not change the fact that it will work if applied correctly.

Still looking for that happiness that you know is out there? Stick around for more principles coming up in the next posts…..

Have you ever been given advice that did not work? How about some advice that did work? Share your experiences....

What are some principles you have taken to heart that have changed your life?

The Laws of Happiness: The Four Principles for a Successful Life

Steps to Happiness – Part 2

This is the second part in our series on Steps to Happiness. Click here to see the first article in the series, Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life, .

In our previous article we looked at how WE are responsible for handing out puppet strings to people, things and situations which leads to our unhappiness. Now we will look at some more ways to remove those strings and turn our lives around from unhappiness to happiness.

Does your pain go deeper?
One of my favorite people in the world, Ron Wilkins, wrote a book called Removing Emotional Pain that tells exactly what happens to us when we give out our strings (all though he doesn’t call it that). He tells how it causes depression and addictions of all forms and discusses ways to remove the pain in our lives. I’ll simply recommend this book and not rewrite it. If you desire, you can learn more about it at www.removingemotionalpain.com

As we noted in our first article, accepting responsibility for our unhappiness is the first step in removing unhappiness. Without this acceptance, there is absolutely no point in reading any more information on how to be happy because you simply will not bother to apply it. Acceptance is a hard pill to swallow, but it is the foundation of achieving happiness. The great thing is that when we do accept responsibility a world of opportunities comes our way and the floodgates of happiness swing wide open to bring a lifetime of smiles first to our minds and then to our faces.

The next step in achieving happiness is a desire to change - a desire to let go and grow. Wanting a better life is what we are talking about here. Simply accepting responsibility is not enough. Acceptance with no effort and action is still just acceptance. It is like accepting the fact that in order to catch a fish you have to throw your baited line out in the water to catch it, but without desire to catch a fish you will never throw your worm out. We’re not just talking about a little desire for a better life. We’re talking about a burning desire. We are talking about…..

The 3^rd step - Commitment. We are talking 100% - throw yourself in all the way - no matter what – commitment. We’re talking “NOTHING is going to stop me from having the happiness I am meant to have.” It’s not “Yeah, I’d like to have a better life, but…(and the excuses start pouring in).” It is commitment all the way – plain and simple. Yes, it’s much easier not to take responsibility and not make any effort, but as the saying goes the result is “you will always get what you’ve always got” – a life of unhappiness – and THAT is NOT easy. On the flip side…..You make the commitment and put in the effort and the result is a beautiful wonderful life filled with happiness. The choice is completely yours.

What if I want to have the desire, but don't feel it?
I learned a long time ago that desire has to come from within. No one can give it to you. However, I will paint a picture for you that may stir up that desire. Imagine what it would be like to have all the peace in the world. Imagine what it would be like to have peace and harmony in all of your relationships. Imagine what it would be like if when hard times come that you hurt, but you still feel peace. Note that we are not saying that hard times will never come and that life will all be a bed of roses. That’s only in fairy tales. However, peace IS still possible when those times do come. Challenges happen to all of us – those who have peace and those who do not. The difference is attitude and how we handle it. Imagine that no matter what is going on around you that you have peace. Imagine knowing how to make something good come out of any situation. Imagine having a heart full of love and sharing it.

Now close your eyes and picture all of this.

Next time, we will discuss how to know if the advice you are given on happiness is real or not....

Until then here are some exercises to do:

On a scale of one to ten rate your desire to achieve happiness. On a scale of one to ten what is your commitment level to removing unhappiness and achieving happiness. What is holding you back? Take some time to discover these and write them out and see if holding on to these things is really worth a lifetime of unhappiness. Is happiness worth the effort?

What can you do to improve your desire and your commitment?

When you wake up each morning picture the happiness and peace that you would like to manifest your life. Do the same as you go to bed each night. This will start making imprints in your subconscious ming.

Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life

For the next few posts, I am going to post some life changing articles that I have written over the last several months that I thought would be very helpful to everyone. This one serves as the foundation of the others.

We have all enjoyed a good puppet show. A puppeteer pulls strings and makes the puppets hands and feet move and he speaks words that supposedly comes from the puppet? These little shows can be quiet entertaining.

Are You a Puppet on Strings?

So how is your puppet show? How many puppet strings have you given out? Is it a harmless entertaining show? Let’s explore. (Mine was not so entertaining – at least not in a good way.)

Imagine yourself as a puppet. Now think of all the people, things, and situations that make you unhappy. These are your puppeteers. How dare they do that to you! Right?

Now imagine yourself (as a puppet) giving a string (with a little round pull on the end) to each person, thing or situation that is causing you unhappiness. That is exactly what you have done - subconsciously handed over your happiness. Each time you think of that person, thing or situation in a negative way and start harboring resentment or thinking “poor pitiful me – look what they have done to me” or “look at what has happened to me” you are handing them or it a puppet string and telling them to pull the string tighter and tighter. So you can imagine if you have given a string to your financial situation, your enemy, your mother, your ex, your in-laws, your boss, your broken car, your job, etc, etc….. Each time you think of them or it your string gets tighter and tighter.

How Many Directions Can You Be Pulled?

How many strings have you handed out? How many directions are you being pulled? Are you being flipped upside down, to one side, then the other, one hand pulled across your body stretched as far as it can go without ripping from your torso, the other hand pulled the other direction across your body, one foot up in the air over your head, the other pulled behind you, your head pulled to one side then spun around and around? How many more strings can you really hand out? How many more directions can you be pulled and spun?

How it Begins and Progresses…

Think of it this way. With the very first negative thought that enters your mind you hand over the string to someone or thing or situation. With each and every negative thought that compounds on the previous negative thought you allow your string to be pulled tighter and tighter. How many directions are you being pulled, flipped and spun?

This is going to hurt…. I know, I have been there….. Many will not accept its truth because it is easier not to do so…. But, happiness can not be achieved without its knowledge….. Here it is: Many times the people to whom you hand the string do not even know that you have handed them the string. They are going about living their lives and have no idea they are pulling your string. The real answer is they are not pulling your string. They are simply living and you have chosen to wrap a string around them and be jerked around. Ouch… I know that may have hurt, but happiness can not manifest itself in your heart if you do not face this fact. Whether or not someone knows they are pulling your string is irrelevant. The good news is you can still take back your string.

Stinkin’ Thinkin’?

Another way to word all of this is blaming. I have a favorite quote. It goes like this: “You can blame people or things or situations for your unhappiness or you can be happy.” Read that one more time. What is it saying? The key word here is blaming. As long as you are engaged in the thinking error of blaming you will never be happy. That is worth repeating…. As long as you are engaged in the thinking error of blaming you will never be happy. Right now you are probably saying, “Who are you to tell me that I am not thinking accurately?” The answer is I was the queen of thinking errors – most of all of the fifteen most common thinking errors, but especially blaming. Learning to recognize the errors and reprogram my mind with accurate healthy thinking was one of the single best things I have ever done.

So What Do I Do Now?

Throughout life I have heard many people say, “Happiness comes from within.” I thought to my-self, “That sounds great.” But, for a long time no one ever explained to me what that meant exactly or how to get that happiness within. I never “got it” for a long time. Now I would like to spare you the heartache I went through until I figured out what happiness meant and how to get it. We will discuss how to remove the strings, think positive, achieve happiness, and more in the next several posts.

Winning Through Adversity Part 2

Yesterday, we began discussing the steps necessary to win through adversity - how to use problems and a positive attitude for your advantage. Today we will continue this discussion. As we noted in the last post, everybody has problems arise so knowing how to deal with it is crucial.

5. Develop and maintain a deep spiritual relationship with your creator, God.
Many times people forget God is there until some tragic event happens and then they turn to God. While it is definitely good to turn to God during these times, if we have a continual abiding relationship with Him all the time it is so much easier to face any problems that arise. He even promised that He will work all things together for good to those that love Him and in my experience that has ALWAYS been true. For more information you can visit www.wbschool.org

6. Figure out if the problem is something that you can change or not.
Often we worry over things that we have no control over.

7. If it is something that you can not change make a resolution to let go of it. It is hard to function properly in aspect of life if you are preoccupied with something over which you have no control. It waste many precious hours. If you can not control it decide to change your attitude about it. It is so liberating to do.

8. If the problem is something you can change, then take a long hard look at it and DECIDE to change it. Program your mind to automatically look for the solution in any problem. This has been one of the single biggest things that has helped me to deal with adversity. When you focus on the problem itself it only gets bigger and bigger. When you tell yourself there is a solution and start looking for it great things happen. Your mind begins to go wild looking for a solution and good comes about as you go to action implementing the solution. Problems are negative. Solutions are positive.

Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude

9. Whether the problem is something that you can change or not, look for the good in it.
Usually I try to make it a rule to never assume anything. But this a a big exception.... Always assume that good is hidden in each difficulty. If you believe that you will find the good. Train your mind to think of a problem as a good thing. W. Clemment Stone is know for saying "Great!" whenever a problem arises. Was he successful?? You better believe it!!Always look for opportunities and you will always find them. This is true not only in adversity, but as you go through out each and every day. It's a matter of programming the mind that way.

10. Believe it is exactly what you need at the present time.
This is one of my favorites! Assume that whatever circumstance you are currently facing is exactly what you need to best reach your goals and be successful. Wow!!! How powerful is that!! Assume that God has given you this exact problem to help you be who you need to be and do what you need to do, to help you expand and grow. Michael Jordan says it this way... "I succeeded because I failed." In other words, he trained his mind to think that each failure was exactly what he needed to teach him the lesson he needed.

Go face whatever life throws at you!!!

Steps Needed to Win through Adversity

Well, we all go through it. It's called adversity. It's called problems. It's called trails. It's called struggles. It's called whatever you want to call it, but we must all admit that it happens to all of us. No one can escape them. We can live our lives in such a way as to avoid some of them and hopefully we are all working to do that, but things do come up. So if they are inevitable what can we do about them? How can we win over them and come out on top and even become better because of them? That's what we will talk about today. As I think about all the ingredients necessary to come out on top this may become a series in stead of just one post... It's so good I can't write it all in one post :)

1. Recognize that Problems Do Happen.
As we have already noted, problems do happen. Don't be foolish enough to think they will never happen to you, because they do happen to EVERYONE. Don't go around expecting bad things to happen or be paranoid. That will only make things worse. Instead, simply recognize the fact that anything can happen. Recognizing this fact, helps us to be prepared when things do come up. We're not shocked and taken off guard. Thinking they will never happen to you only sets yourself up for failure. I heard a wise person say one time that you're either in a problem now, coming out of one or about to enter one.

2. Decide Ahead of Time How You Will React.
Since we know that problems will come up decide ahead of time to be positive. Decide ahead of time that you will come out on top. Decide ahead of time that you will look for the good in each and every problem. It all starts with a decision. If you don't decide ahead of time how you will react, then you will be devastated with each and every problem.

Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude

3. Look at the Big Picture.
This requires you to HAVE a big picture. In the whole scheme of things how important is this? Will it really matter in one week, one month, one year, ten years or 100 years from now? Sometimes, simply asking yourself that question will eliminate your frustration all together and you can give it up.

The big picture requires you to have vision and goals and priorities. Know where you are going and what's important to you. Step back and look at things. How does this problem fit into all of this? Does it really fit into your vision and goals? If not, maybe it's not worth worrying about. Actually, just knowing and laying out a clear vision will prevent you from even considering some things as problems. If you have a clear vision, you may be able to just laugh at some things. If the problem does fit into and effect your vision and priorities follow the rest of the principles laid out here.

4. Focus on the Future.
Again, this requires you to see the big picture and have a clear vision. Know where you are going. Whatever you are facing, focus on the future, instead of the past. Our natural tendency is to turn toward the past and dwell on past failures that remind us of this particular problem. That will only make things worse as that will cause us to be dwelling on the negative. Focusing on the future forces us to think on the positive. Focusing on the past can easily get us into blaming mode, whether that be blaming others or ourselves for this and previous problems. Instead look forward and focus on where you want to be and take responsibility to move yourself in that direction. Focusing on the problem and the past only makes the problem bigger.

Make a decision to start implementing these steps steps today. You CAN come out on top!

More for next time....

Do You Want More out of Life?

Do you ever find yourself disappointed with life? Does it often seem like life is just not treating you fairly? I was at this place in my life for a long time. I didn’t understand why all these good things seemed to be “happening” to some people, while it never happened to me or other people that I knew.

Finally, I heard someone say one time that you get out of life what you put into it. I decided to test this what seemed to me like a hypothesis. What did I have to lose? Well, I’m happy to report that it worked. What I found is that it is not a hypothesis, but rather a principle. In other words it always works. It is something that has natural consequences.

Are you sitting around and waiting for things to happen the way you want them and wondering why they are not turning out the way you want? The biggest secret I can pass along is that these things will never HAPPEN to you – that is if you are sitting around waiting for them to happen. In other words, you have to make life “happen” or turn out the way you want. You see if you are sitting around your life will just sit around with you. If you get up and make some plans and get busy putting them into action your life will go with you. It will take you where you lead it.

Do you want more out of your marriage? Put something into it. It requires effort, selflessness, paying attention and action to make it what you want it to be, not waiting for your spouse to do all the work.

Do you want more out of your business? What are you putting into it? Are you waiting for that “big thing” to happen? Are you putting into it the actions that bring results? Make sure you are spending your time on the activities that do bring results, not just doing busy work.

Are you taking life too seriously? Do you want life to be more fun? What you are you doing to lighten things up? Do you need to look at things a little lighter? Put a little humor into life. Start looking for humor in situations. If you train your mind to look for it you will find it. Point out the funny things and laugh at them. It will go a long way. Make a decision to lighten up and enjoy life more. I’m not saying not to take life seriously. That’s exactly the opposite of the point of this post. Take seriously what you need to, but you will enjoy life a lot more and even get a lot more accomplished if you decide to laugh more and lighten up. Laughter makes your brain work better.

Do you want to get more out of parenthood? What are you putting into it? Are you taking the time to spend with your children? Are you spending quality time with them? Are you taking the time to teach them what is important and instilling the principles of life in them? We all make mistakes, but we can make a decision to move forward.

Is your spiritual life lacking? Are you waiting to see what God is going to do for you? What about asking what you can do for God. It’s amazing the difference you will see. It’s amazing the blessings God will send your way when you work for Him instead of waiting for Him to work for you. Once you put the effort in the returns will be more than you can count.

Do you wish you had better neighbors? Be a better neighbor.

Do you wish you had more friends or that your friends would treat you better? Be a friend. Be a better friend.

Do you want more love? Give more love.

Do you want more happiness? Work to make others happy.

Do you want better health or want your health to last a long time? Take care of your body. Eat healthy, exercise, get rid of the chemicals and toxins in your home and find some high quality nutritional supplements. Think positive. Studies show that changing the way you think and look at things affects your brain chemistry and will improve your health. Laugh more.

Enjoy all the rewards of giving your all. It’s the only way to live!

Why Relationships Fail and How to Turn Them Around

First of all, let me apologize for not writing more this week. It has been one challenging week, but God just keeps blessing us and we must move on.

Today's post will cover why marriages and all relationships fail and what can be done about it.

Many experts will say that miscommunication or lack of communication is the number one reason for problems in marriages and relationships and why they fail. While communication is very big, I beg to differ with the fact that it is the number one problem or reason. A closer look will show that it actually goes much deeper.

Let's reveal the real reasons relationships fail and why happiness so often seems to be so far away. Please do not make the mistake of just reading over these lightly. They are very deep and eye opening (if you are open) and have the potential to dramatically improve your relationships:



1. You think that the other person will make you happy. "If I only have this one person then I will be happy."

2. You are seeking what you can get out of the relationship and what it and the other person can do for you.

3. You seek to change the other person to suit your needs and make them who you want them to be.

4. You blame the other person for everything that is going wrong in the relationship and for making you unhappy.

5. You take your spouse for granted.
Do you notice a correlation between any of these??? Look closer.... It can be summed up by this:

Selfishness and lack of responsibility.

So now let us explore the problem with the statements above, but most importantly what can be done about them:

1. What's the problem with the first problem we noted above? If you are looking for your happiness in this person eventually they are going to disappoint you. Then you will be devastated and fall apart. You will also have a tendency to personalize EVERYTHING they do or say. Instead of thinking about how this person is going to or is making you happy, choose to have peace and happiness with in yourself no matter what they do or say or think - or what anyone else says or does or thinks. People will ALWAYS disappoint you no matter how hard they try - period.

2. As long as you are seeking what YOU can get out of the relationship and what it and the other person can do for YOU you will never know love or be satisfied in the relationship. Again, you will be disappointed. Love and happiness only comes when you put aside your own needs and focus on what you can do to please the other person - and DO it. It is only then that your own needs will get met. Love is a choice and requires action. Just give it a try. Your relationship may not change over night, but it will change.

3. Seeking to change the other person to suit your needs and make them who you want them to be might sound like a good idea, but there's only one problem - you can not change other people. The only thing and person you can change is yourself - your thoughts, feelings and actions. Take a close look at what your faults are - in particular, your faults in the relationship and work to change them. Be open to seeing your faults. If you're having trouble seeing them, just ask your spouse or the other person. Be humble. Say, "I know I haven't been the kind of spouse I could be in our relationship. I'm sorry. I want to work on it and get better. Could you please tell me what I can work on?" Be open and prepared to hear what they say. Also, work on thinking positive. Recognize when the first negative thought comes into your head and replace it with a positive thought.

4. As long as you blame the other person for everything that is going wrong in the relationship and for making you unhappy then you will be unhappy. My favorite quote is: "You can blame others for your unhappiness or you can be happy." As we have already stated, choose to be happy no matter what. Also, instead, take responsibility for everything that is wrong in the relationship, whether it is actually your fault or not, and make a decision to do something to change it. Make a decision to change everything you don't like by changing it yourself, not by trying to change the other person. Until you stop blaming others for anything, you will always, always be miserable. I know. I learned the hard way. Life is much better and easier when you take responsibility.

5. As long as you take your spouse for granted, you will never care enough to follow these principles. View your spouse as a blessing - a gift from God. Then you will begin to see them in a whole new light. You will see how truly blessed you are to have them and want to do things to please them. Both you and your spouse will enjoy this new view.

Enjoy the changes!!

Suicide Prevention Prayer

Yesterday morning I was awaken from sleep by my cell phone ringing that I forgot to turn off the night before. The caller was informing me that someone I love was talking about committing suicide. What a scary and startling way to wake up! The person did get some help and did not follow through with it thankfully. Since I was awaken so suddenly by it, it was as if everything I knew to do went out the door.

After things calmed down, I began to think about how I would handle the situation differently if it happened again and I began to look for opportunities in it. I began to think about what I would say to this person if there was a next time. Somehow my mind led me to a prayer that I could help this person pray and I just had to write it down. It turned into not only a prayer that I could help this person pray if that situation arose again, but I think really more importantly it turned into a prayer that we can pray every day so that our minds never get to the point of even thinking about suicide. I decided to post that prayer here for everyone's benefit.

The main thing it reminds us of is to see the big picture and keep our focus on it.

Please feel free to use this prayer and refer this to anyone you think could use it - or better yet just refer it to everyone you love. Let's make an effort to prevent suicide!

It also turned into a good reason to be and/or the blessings of being a Christian - if you need more info on becoming a Christian please refer to http://www.wbschool.org/

Here is the prayer:

"Dear Father, life is hard. So often it really just does not seem fair. Help me to remember that you never promised it would be easy, but instead that you would always be there for me and give me strength, comfort and wisdom when I turn to you and that I can have peace just resting in that.

Father, I realize that I am a sinful creature and that even though I do not deserve your love and forgiveness, you continually pour it out on me anyway. You are such an awesome God and I am so blessed.

Father, sometimes I really struggle and do not know all the answers and that is hard, but I realize that you are way bigger than any of my problems and that I can handle anything with
you on my side.

Father, so many times it is easy to get caught up in life’s daily problems and I think the world is against me and that there is no use in trying anymore. Please help me to remember that life is all about you and bringing glory and honor to you and that it is not about me. That is so hard to see
sometimes.

Father, so often when struggles arise all I can think about is the problem and how it affects ME. Help me not to try to avoid all of life’s problems because they are inevitable, but help me to focus on the solution to the problem and opportunity contained in it and how I can use it to your glory, not on the problem itself. For when I focus on the problem it only gets bigger, but help me to remember that good and opportunities can come from EVERYTHING if I look for it and let it.

Father, some people are mean and say cruel things. Help me to remember that just because someone says or does something that does not mean it is true. Help me to remember that it is only true of me if I choose to make it true of me. Help me to remember that you not only made me, but that you made me in your image!! Help me to remember that no one can harm my thoughts unless I give them permission.

Father, so many things do not go like I want them to. Give me the wisdom to discern between the things I can change and the things I can not. Help me to have the right attitude toward the things I can not change and to give them up to you. Help me to remember that the only thing and person I can control is myself – my thoughts and my actions. Help me to give up all other control to you, for the burden is too much for me.

Father, help me to remember that when I allow the first negative thought to come into my head that I am giving Satan an open invitation to come in and invade in my mind and have a party. Dear Father, help me to recognize Satan’s tactics and when he knocks on the door and help me to check to make sure the locks are bolted shut and invite you to come in instead for a spiritual feast. Help me to turn my thoughts to your blessings and toward what I can do to serve you.

Father, I realize that not everyone will give me approval even though I would like them to do so. That can hurt, but please help me to forgive them and remember that as long as I am looking outward and seeking approval from others that I will be miserable at best. Help me to instead look inward and to look to you to find more ways to love you and bring glory to you and to
look for ways to help others to feel approved by me instead.

Father, help me to remember that any time I expect others to look down on me that they will because I have already given them permission. Help me not to expect this from others, but help me to remember that any time I expect to find the good in
others I will find it.

Father, help me to remember that you want to send blessings my way. Please help me to be open to receiving them.

Father, there are many things that cloud my vision. Please help me to most of all remember that my purpose for being here is to bring glory and honor to YOU by taking YOU into the world. Help me to remember that it is all about YOU and living for YOU and seeking ways to show your love, peace and happiness to the world. Help me to do the things that would cause people to look at me and say, “Behold the Lamb” as John said of Jesus in the Bible. Help me to live in such a way that people see JESUS instead of seeing me.

It is only when I lose sight of this vision that I focus on my problems and how big they are and how they affect me, instead of remembering who I am and that I am here for YOUR GLORY and to use my problems FOR YOU. Father, I realize that only when I am seeking to shine your light to the world does life make any sense or have any meaning. All else is vanity.

Father, make my life all about you.

In Jesus’ name, amen."

Nelson's NKJV Study Bible

Update: If this prayer helped you you may also enjoy a series of posts that I am in the middle of posting on Steps to Happiness. It begins with Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life on March 18, 2008. You may also consider subscribing to this blog to learn more about inner peace and happiness. I hope I can help many many people find this peace that is possible to possess.

Are the Successful Destined for Success?

As a young man, Abraham Lincoln went to war a captain and returned a private. Afterwards, he was a failure as a businessman. As a lawyer in Springfield, he was too impractical and temperamental to be a success. He turned to politics and was defeated in his first try for the legislature, again defeated in his first attempt to be nominated for congress, defeated in his application to be commissioner of the General Land Office, defeated in the senatorial election of 1854, defeated in his efforts for the vice-presidency in 1856, and defeated in the senatorial election of 1858. At about that time, he wrote in a letter to a friend, "I am now the most miserable man living. If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheerful face on the earth."

The Success Principles(TM): How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be