Why Relationships Fail and How to Turn Them Around

First of all, let me apologize for not writing more this week. It has been one challenging week, but God just keeps blessing us and we must move on.

Today's post will cover why marriages and all relationships fail and what can be done about it.

Many experts will say that miscommunication or lack of communication is the number one reason for problems in marriages and relationships and why they fail. While communication is very big, I beg to differ with the fact that it is the number one problem or reason. A closer look will show that it actually goes much deeper.

Let's reveal the real reasons relationships fail and why happiness so often seems to be so far away. Please do not make the mistake of just reading over these lightly. They are very deep and eye opening (if you are open) and have the potential to dramatically improve your relationships:



1. You think that the other person will make you happy. "If I only have this one person then I will be happy."

2. You are seeking what you can get out of the relationship and what it and the other person can do for you.

3. You seek to change the other person to suit your needs and make them who you want them to be.

4. You blame the other person for everything that is going wrong in the relationship and for making you unhappy.

5. You take your spouse for granted.
Do you notice a correlation between any of these??? Look closer.... It can be summed up by this:

Selfishness and lack of responsibility.

So now let us explore the problem with the statements above, but most importantly what can be done about them:

1. What's the problem with the first problem we noted above? If you are looking for your happiness in this person eventually they are going to disappoint you. Then you will be devastated and fall apart. You will also have a tendency to personalize EVERYTHING they do or say. Instead of thinking about how this person is going to or is making you happy, choose to have peace and happiness with in yourself no matter what they do or say or think - or what anyone else says or does or thinks. People will ALWAYS disappoint you no matter how hard they try - period.

2. As long as you are seeking what YOU can get out of the relationship and what it and the other person can do for YOU you will never know love or be satisfied in the relationship. Again, you will be disappointed. Love and happiness only comes when you put aside your own needs and focus on what you can do to please the other person - and DO it. It is only then that your own needs will get met. Love is a choice and requires action. Just give it a try. Your relationship may not change over night, but it will change.

3. Seeking to change the other person to suit your needs and make them who you want them to be might sound like a good idea, but there's only one problem - you can not change other people. The only thing and person you can change is yourself - your thoughts, feelings and actions. Take a close look at what your faults are - in particular, your faults in the relationship and work to change them. Be open to seeing your faults. If you're having trouble seeing them, just ask your spouse or the other person. Be humble. Say, "I know I haven't been the kind of spouse I could be in our relationship. I'm sorry. I want to work on it and get better. Could you please tell me what I can work on?" Be open and prepared to hear what they say. Also, work on thinking positive. Recognize when the first negative thought comes into your head and replace it with a positive thought.

4. As long as you blame the other person for everything that is going wrong in the relationship and for making you unhappy then you will be unhappy. My favorite quote is: "You can blame others for your unhappiness or you can be happy." As we have already stated, choose to be happy no matter what. Also, instead, take responsibility for everything that is wrong in the relationship, whether it is actually your fault or not, and make a decision to do something to change it. Make a decision to change everything you don't like by changing it yourself, not by trying to change the other person. Until you stop blaming others for anything, you will always, always be miserable. I know. I learned the hard way. Life is much better and easier when you take responsibility.

5. As long as you take your spouse for granted, you will never care enough to follow these principles. View your spouse as a blessing - a gift from God. Then you will begin to see them in a whole new light. You will see how truly blessed you are to have them and want to do things to please them. Both you and your spouse will enjoy this new view.

Enjoy the changes!!