Steps to Happiness - Part 7 The How to's of an Attitude of Gratitude

To read the precious articles in this series please go to:

Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life
Steps to Happiness – Part 2Steps to Happiness - Part 3 - Does this Stuff Really Work?
Steps to Happiness – Part 4 - Who is Master?
Steps to Happiness – Part 5 - Choose What Kind of Chicken You'll be before an Egg Hatches
Steps to Happiness - Part 6 - Happy People Don't Seek Happiness

A thankful heart is the parent of all virtues.

- Cicero

This last article on Steps to Happiness has come to be my favorite although I didn't know it would at the time. This gratititude thing has presented itself to me over and over again and I soon came to see that as Cicero said it truly is the "parent of all virutes." The more this idea presents itself and the more I think about it the more I come to see that it is the foundation of all the other steps. Maybe it should have been first. But, then again maybe the other steps are necessary in order to be grateful.....I guess you could look at it both ways. Either way, I'm just being constantly reminded that I need improvement in this area of my life (and for that I'm grateful!).

As this idea kept presenting itself me I was refered to a book. After researching the book I can say that it will be my next purchase (soon) and one that I can recommend to my readers. It is called Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier. I can't say it's a "new science," but it certainly looks like something we can all learn from. (Don't you love how in this world of blogging we can end a sentence with a preposition.:) I always wanted to do that. My English teachers would not be proud. :))

When we take on this new attititude (really, it's like a whole world view) and TRULY INTERNALIZE it, it changes how we see EVERYTHING and how we think and act and treat everyone including ourselves.

Well, enough babbling......


Gratitude....


Does it ever seem like you just don’t have anything? Do you often find yourself complaining about the things you don’t have? Are you not getting what you want out of relationships? These are serious issues for many people and it seems like a solution is nowhere in sight. So what can be done about it?

Developing and maintaining an attitude of gratitude is a must in order to find solutions to these problems and to lead a life of happiness. Without this attitude one will lead a miserable life at best, but with it the blessings abound. So the question arises, “If it is so important then what is it and how do I achieve it?” That’s the question I asked for a long time. Discovering the secret was life transforming.

I remember the first time that I encountered someone who had a true spirit of gratitude. I totally could not understand it. I remember thinking “I wish I could be like that.” – not realizing that I really could be. She had always been one of my favorite people, but it wasn’t until this day that I figured out why. Her husband was basically in a vegetable state and at the point of death and she said to me, “He may not live, much longer. I’m just thankful for the time we’ve had together.” I thought, “Wow, that is an amazing attitude!”

What is an attitude of gratitude?


Before we go any further, we need to recognize that attitude is a mindset; it’s a way of life, a constant way of being – of looking at things. It is something that we internalize. We define gratitude as being thankful. So we could define attitude of gratitude as a constant spirit or state of thankfulness.


So how do I develop this attitude?

First, and probably the most obvious recommendation, look around at all the people who have it worse than you do. There is always someone out there that is in worse shape than you are. If you’re not convinced then watch the news (although I try not to do that because it is so negative.) You will always find someone who is in a more troubling situation than you. It will put you in your place very fast.

Second, recognize that EVERY blessing you have is a gift from God – everything from, a roof over your head, to food to eat, to (hot) water to take a bath, to the people in your life, to the air that you breath, to life itself, to time. Not only is it a gift from God, it is a gift from God that you do not even deserve. This is not a “poor pitiful me, I’m not good enough for anything” attitude. It is exactly the opposite - recognizing how truly blessed you are and realizing that we are all sinful people that God chooses to bless anyway. He just blesses those people much more who live their lives for Him (I am not talking monetarily, although it can be included).

Truly happy people recognize that everything they have is not only a gift that they don’t deserve, but that it is a gift to be used for God’s glory. (This attitude changes how you treat everyone.) God really blesses these people. They also recognize that any of it could be taken away at any time and that is okay because they never really even deserved it in the first place.

When you view everything as a gift something almost magical happens. These things begin to transform into something beautiful. If we treat the people in our lives as a gift, then our relationships start to change and take on a whole new beautiful form.

Third, focus on what you DO have, not on what you do not have. There’s a secret. It goes like this: What you focus on expands. If you think about and focus on what you do not have you will just keep having nothing because nothing expanded is still nothing. If you focus on what you do have, you will be amazed at the blessings that come into your life. (Focusing on positive things always creates more positive thoughts. Focusing on negative things always creates more negative thoughts.)

Fourth, give of your abundance – your newly discovered blessings- cheerfully (even if it seems like very little). You always get back in direct proportion to what you give. If you give a little, you get a little back. If you give a lot you get a lot back.

Remember how we deal with life is always a choice. From experience, I can tell you it is well worth finally choosing gratitude.

Exercises:

1. Make a list of all your blessings. Read the list at least twice a day.
   
2. When you start to think about all the things you don’t have, just replace it with 3 things that you do have (and your mind will show you even more blessings that you do have.)
   Ex. If you only have $2 to you name. Think “Wow, I have $2, instead of thinking I ONLY have $2. Then think of two other blessings to go along with it. Remember someone out there has lost everything they owned in some tragic event. Even if you have lost everything you own, be thankful for life itself and the opportunities ahead of you instead of focusing on the problem itself.
   

Steps to Happiness - Part 6 - Happy People Don't Seek Happiness

We are nearing the end of our articles on Steps to Happiness. Thank you for joining us.

To read the previous articles in this series go to:

Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life

Steps to Happiness – Part 2
Steps to Happiness - Part 3 - Does this Stuff Really Work?

Steps to Happiness – Part 4 - Who is Master?

Steps to Happiness – Part 5 - Choose What Kind of Chicken You'll be before an Egg Hatches

In our last article we discussed what happy people say to themselves every day and how they view things. As promised, in this article we will talk about why happy people are able to view things as they do.

Who is it all about?

So here it is…. the secret that ALL happy people possess…. They realize the world is bigger than themselves – that the world does not revolve around them. What do we mean exactly by this?
Happy people are not focused on their own happiness. They are not seeking happiness. They are seeking to bring others happiness.

Happy people go about their lives looking for ways to enhance other people’s lives. They are seeking ways to bring a smile to someone else’s face and heart. They seek peace and joy for others.

And why do they do this? Let’s take this even a step further – to the real reason…

Who is it really about?
They realize that life is all about God, not about themselves.

Happy people realize their purpose for being here in this world. They realize that they are here to bring glory to God so they seek to know God and to form and maintain a relationship with Him. They seek to bring God glory in all they do. That includes bringing others joy.

The Void

I realize that for some people that I have made a bold statement, but you see, as long as someone does not have a relationship with God there will ALWAYS be a hole, a void in their lives - something missing. This point can be argued, but it does not change the fact that a person will always have this void that can only be filled by God and a relationship with Him. It's the way we are made.

Someone can refuse to accept this and go live the life they choose and do whatever they want, but they will always be brought back to this truth. They will always have this void unless and until they form a relationship with God, realize it’s all about God and then seek to make others happy. Filling this void gives people purpose and meaning. This is why happy people are able to look at everything as an opportunity – an opportunity to bring glory to God.

It is important to note that a true relationship with God takes commitment, but the joys and rewards are innumerable…. way beyond what anyone could ever imagine!!!

What Now?

So the question arises… How do I come to know God and form a relationship with Him? The best free resources I have found are

http://www.wbschool.org/ and
www.housetohouse.com/hth/freebies/

Exercises:

Use the above resources to learn about God and form a relationship with Him.

As you go throughout your day look for ways to bring joy to others. Act on it.

Steps to Happiness – Part 4 - Who is Master?

Thank you for joying us on this journey toward happiness. This is article number four in a series of articles on Steps to Happiness. Sense it is important to follow these in order you will find it very helpful to first read the previous articles:

Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life,
Steps to Happiness – Part 2
Steps to Happiness - Part 3 - Does this Stuff Really Work?

Let’s discuss some more ways to take back our puppet strings from our puppeteers.

We have already discussed the need to take responsibility and do away with blaming, the necessity for a real desire to change, and the commitment to do what it takes to change and achieve happiness. Then we discussed the difference between principles and advice.

The Secret to Happiness
So what other principles guide us to happiness? What do the happy people in this world have over the unhappy ones? Is it genetic? Were they just born with that disposition? Some probably were, but most have learned this secret – this time tested principle……. this secret that ANYONE can learn…..

Here it is…… Happiness is a choice.

So how do I choose Happiness?
“Well...if it is a choice,” you might ask, “then how do I choose it?” That’s what I would like to share with you because I was aimlessly floating around wondering the same thing for a long time. It’s like someone telling you to “get over” something without first listening to you and then showing you how to get over it.

Choosing happiness requires you to be MASTER over all your emotions and thoughts instead of you being SLAVE to them and being ruled and controlled by them. How we go about doing that is to first recognize and become aware of our thoughts and emotions. Bring them to consciousness. Your thoughts and emotions are usually all tucked away in your subconscious mind and control what you do and say without you even being aware of it. What we must do is bring them to consciousness.

Understanding the Thought and Emotion Sequence
In order to bring them to consciousness, we must understand the thoughts and emotions order or sequence. Thoughts come first (and are usually based on previous experiences) and then they feed our emotions and then we act or react. Most people believe that it is the other way around – that their feelings come first and that they have no control over them and their thoughts. So whenever their emotions arise they simply react without even thinking twice. That’s just the problem – they don’t think twice. They don’t even know that they did think and so they react according to their emotions. Understanding this is key!

An outstanding book that will help you to gain a deeper understanding of this and teach you more in depth how to gain control of your emotions is Emotions: Can You Trust Them? by Dr. James Dobson.

Once we have a knowledge of the thought/emotion order there is a trick that we can apply that all happy people have learned. We will discuss it next time….

But, for now, some good exercises are:

1. Take note of each time that you don’t like something (ANYTHING you don’t like). Every time you feel yourself getting angry, frustrated or upset, etc. over something, stop yourself. Write down the event and your thoughts and feelings about it, what you wanted to do (be honest) and what you did.

2. Then choose not to think about it until you have calmed down. Choose instead to get your mind involved in an enjoyable hobby or to think about good things. Make a list of good things or blessings and keep it with you just for cases like these (keep adding to it). The key is to stop the rumination or negative thinking. Remember what I call the law of compounding: one negative thought leads to another negative thought and then it explodes out of control. On the other hand, one positive thought leads to another positive thought, and then it explodes….

3. After you are in a good frame of mind (it could be days later), see if you can identify your negative thoughts and replace them with better positive thoughts. Don’t get frustrated if you are struggling at first. Be patient with yourself. Practice makes perfect. It will come if you don’t give up.

Remember this sequence: Perception (Was the event indeed how you actually saw it?)…Thoughts…Feelings….Actions...Consequences.

Share with us some examples of when you acted on your emotions and they got you into trouble.

Steps to Happiness - Part 3 - Does this Stuff Really Work?

This is number three in a series of articles on steps to achieve happiness that I wrote earlier and decided to now post on my blog. In order to understand this post it will be necessary to first read the previous posts on Are You a Puppet on Strings? - Taking Back Control of Your Life and the second article on Steps to Happiness – Part 2

By now, if you are among those who are still following this series of articles, you should be congratulated for your commitment to change your life for the better. You will not regret your commitment. Happiness is such a wonderful thing! You are going to create a beautiful life for yourself.

How are your pictures of peace that you have created in your mind? Make those pictures beautiful. Don’t hold back or put any limitations on yourself. You get what you think about.

Step by Step
It is important to note that each article that we go through builds on the previous one. Happiness can only be achieved by building on each one in order.

Principles vs. Advice
Before we go any further to learn how to remove our puppet strings that we have thrown out into the world, there is something foundational that we must discuss. It is the difference between principles or truth and advice. To get a better idea of what we are talking about we will define each term and then note the differences.

What are principles?
I like to call these truths. I realize that some people argue that truth doesn’t even exist. I’m not writing to argue that point. I think that the rest of this article and the succeeding ones will take care of that notion. For our point we will look at some of Webster’s definitions of the word principle. Principle is defined as: “1. the ultimate source, origin, or cause of something. 2. a natural or original tendency 3. an essential element or quality esp. one that produces a specific effect. “

What is this saying? Principles have natural consequences or results. Period! There’s no way around it or no way to argue that it is not true. Principles have natural positive good results. The key word here is “natural.” One example is the fact that if someone takes responsibility for his/her actions then he/she will be happier. This is not advice. It’s a principle or truth or fact.

What is advice?
Advice is defined by Webster as “opinion given as to how to handle a situation; counsel.” Advice is something that may or may not work. The key word here is “opinion.” An example would be “If you want to lose 20 pounds then you should get up at 5 am every morning and exercise.” That’s an opinion even though some principles may be contained in it.

“So what’s the point?” you might say. The point is: the information I am passing along to you is based on principle. Someone may argue about whether the information works or not, but it still will not change the fact that it will work if applied correctly.

Still looking for that happiness that you know is out there? Stick around for more principles coming up in the next posts…..

Have you ever been given advice that did not work? How about some advice that did work? Share your experiences....

What are some principles you have taken to heart that have changed your life?

The Laws of Happiness: The Four Principles for a Successful Life