Thursday, December 20, 2007

Positive Attitude - All Tied Together

This post is a continuation of the previous post. It will be necessary to read it in order for this one to make sense.

Let's look at the next two ingredients necessary for a positive attitude and then we'll will tie them all together and give some examples.

#2. Not setting yourself up for failure.
Expecting things to turn out one way when there is a good chance it will turn out another way is a setup for failure. This means that you replace the word "will" with "might" or "may" for things you have no control over. So often we say to ourselves "this WILL happen this way" when we may very well have no control over it. When a woman comes home with a new hair cut and expects her husband to notice she is likely setting herself up for failure. Many men are not in tune to those details. Instead of saying, "he will love my new haircut." Saying, "he may or may not notice my haircut is a better choice.....

#3. Looking ahead. What good can come from this? W. Clement Stone is noted for saying, "Great!" when he was faced with an obstacle. He saw each struggle or obstacle as an opportunity for improvement - to make things better. It requires a future focus - remembering to see the overall picture (#1 from previous post) and how this obstacle can help you to better achieve your vision and goals. You see, when you have your priorities and focus set, no obstacle will hold you back - only present more opportunities. When you define the overall picture you can handle ANY situation that comes up - and grow from it! This is powerful stuff!!!

Let's look at an example: Let's say that you get married and then you have no focus in your marriage of where you want it to go. You have no real picture of how you want you marriage to be. You just get up every day and do the old mundane things life requires of you to get by and never really pay attention to your spouse. You don't work to make your marriage better because you're not seeing the big picture of how you want it to be. You might even say to yourself or your spouse that you want it to be good, but until you have made that a priority and painted a clear vivid picture of what a good (or great) marriage is to you it absolutely will NOT be a good (or great marriage).

Priorities, a clear vivid picture, focus, commitment and real belief that it is possible (belief is crucial) will cause your mind to start engaging in the right direction. Your mind will start to create ways to make it happen. And where you lack knowledge your mind will lead you to find the answers. Vision and focus make your mind open and your eyesight will become 20/20. And then you will have the most beautiful marriage ever. You will not fall apart with every little thing that comes up in the marriage because you see the big picture and are committed. Bear it mind that it does take commitment from both partners, but very often (not always, but very often) just a change in your attitude can create a change in your spouse's attitude which will create open communication to talk about ways to improve the marriage.

So how does not setting yourself up for failure fit into the picture? When you realize that you can't control your spouse and what he/she does you start changing your language. You become responsible for the things you can change - YOU! You start saying he/she "may" do this (whatever it is you expect or even ask of them) instead of saying he/she "will" do this and if they don't you are disappointed and fall apart. What if you told yourself that "he/she may do this, but if they don't that's o:k because I'm committed to the big picture of making our marriage the best it can be no matter what?" Our disappointments will diminish to very little just by changing one or two words and our attitude. This can be applied to any goals or priorities in life.

So what about looking ahead? How does it fit in. What about those obstacles that do arise? What if something does come up in the marriage that you just can't agree on? With a clear focus and commitment, you look for and find ways that you can use this to make your marriage stronger and better. Just believe that it can make your marriage better and you will find a way for it to do so. (Belief leads to action.)

Well, what if I do everything I can to make our marriage turn out beautifully just the way I want it and my spouse is just not in the game? What then?

What is the even bigger picture? What if your overall picture was to choose to be happy and have a positive attitude - no matter what?

What if you saw the real big picture - that we are here to bring glory to God - always - no matter what?...... Then you will find a way to use EVERY situation to bring glory to God............ And you will have so much peace in your life - because peace and a positive attitude do not depend on ANY situation.

Only when your mind is open you will start to see things crystal clear.

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