Wednesday, January 30, 2008

How "The Five Love Languages" Can Change Your Marriage

"The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman makes the New York Times best selling list for the 30th week. Let's take a look at why "The Five Love Languages" is so popular. Does this book deliver what it promises?

I would like to give my personal account of "The Five Love Languages". I was first introduced to this book about a year ago by a friend. She actually let me borrow her audio version of it and gave me a copy of the language profile questions for me and my husband to take. We answered the test questions to determine our love language and listened to the CD. I have to admit that getting past his southern drawl was a bit challenging (even though I am also from the south), but worth it. However, we didn't really put the effort into it that it called for. I was just very skeptical that each person can be boiled down into one main love language. I'll talk more about each language in just a minute.

Fortunately, I have recently been given the opportunity to give this material a second chance. I am going through "The Five Love Languages" on DVD (a recorded seminar) and the "The Five Love Languages" workbook with a group of Christians. I have to say it has made a huge impact on our marriage this time around.... Seeing the results has stamped out my skepticism.

According to Gary Chapman the filve love languages are:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Acts of Service
  • Quality time
  • Physical touch
  • Receiving gifts
As Chapman goes into depth with each one of these we learn that what makes one person feel loved is not necessarily what makes another person feel loved. This information is so relevant in marriages. Most of the time our spouse "speaks" a different love language than we do. What happens is we speak the language to our spouse that is our main love language because that is what WE want and need in order to feel loved. Our spouse does the same for us with his/her love language. However, since we usually have a different language then often times we both go "unloved" even though we are trying. Knowledge of the love languages is key.

"The Five Love Languages" contains a test that both you and your spouse can take to determine your love language. After taking the test and reading the book, and learning exactly what each love language is you then can easily learn to speak your spouse's love language and vice versa. Then you will both feel loved. Practicing the advice and seeing the results has put aside all skepticism I once had about this book. If you follow Chapman's advice, this material has the potential to dramatically improve your marriage for life.

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

Five Love Languages, Member Book, UPDATED

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